The time has come…and already we’re addicted.
This summer’s Big Brother promises to be more outrageous than ever – with an even wilder array of circus freaks (housemates).
What voyeuristic pleasure it’ll be to watch these personalities boil and bubble – with a healthy dose of paranoia and cabin fever. What will Big Brother come up with next!
Here are my first impressions. Sadly, both gays in the house are unforgivably cringe-worthy.
Shahbaz As much as I feel the need to defend my fellow gay-sians, I think this may be the most obnoxious creature I’ve ever seen on television. Obviously very disturbed, this one craves all kinds of attention (especially negative attention) . And what’s with him groping everyone?? Ugh, Keep your hands to yourself!! And now he’s requesting ‘gay solidarity’ with bitchy Richard. If someone has tranquilizers in the house- please shoot up Shahbaz.
Star Quality: 2.5/10
Pete For all you hard partiers- this one may resemble a character you encounter at your neighborhood afterhours. I’m not sure how appropriate it is to put person suffering Tourette's Syndrome in the house—but then again, they’re all suffering in their own way, aren’t they? Mildly attractive, slightly unnerving, entirely entertaining.
Star Quality: 7.5/10
Lisa Sassy, sloppy, and cynical…the perfect recipe for quality fag haggery. Her voice may make your skin crawl – but her swaggering drunken mannerisms, unapologetic attitude to Shahbaz, and fobby Chinese woman impressions definitely have entertainment value.
Star Quality: 6/10
Lea Plastic boobs, excessively tanned, and resembling Latoya Jackson. Probably has serious baggage. Pure camp, and surprisingly dignified. Boasting the largest breast implants in the UK. Need I say more?
Star Quality: 7/10
Richard A sexual terrorist? Please. Go back to Canada. Devoid of charm or intelligence, brimming with vanity. And seems to attract attention by perpetuating gay stereotypes. Let’s hope this queen can redeem herself because, at the moment, it’s looking grim. The problem with gay men? One word. Richard.
Star Quality: 4/10
Sezar My mind says NO but my body says YES. Although he is ridiculously cocky, has trimmed chest hair, and the word ‘bastard’ often comes to mind – this little entrepreneur does have the most impenetrable sexual energy. Hmm, I wouldn’t say no. And he’s got our attention now that he admitted he’ll “kiss a man, no problem". Hop to it, Richard.
Star Quality: 6.5/10
Imogen Sweet and Pretty. Hope she doesn’t give in to Sleazy Sezar. Mmm..that’s it. Points for being attractive.
Star Quality: 5/10
##
Glyn As pleasant as you can hope a straight 18-year-old BB housemate to be. A bit tricky to understand his speech. Doesn’t like to be groped by strange men, which he carefully explained to the belligerent gay-sian (Shabaz) who still insists he has the ‘right to be tactile’. Ugh. Glyn, you have my permission to wallop the bitch if she touches you.
Star Quality: 3.5/10
Bonnie Let’s just call her Boner for entertainment sake. Or maybe Boring? Poor thing seemed a bit frightened of all the crazies in the house. I imagine the only way she’ll be able to provide entertainment is by having a breakdown. At the moment, dull and forgettable.
Star Quality: 2/10
George Another posh Chelsea brat. Apparently a momma’s boy. Who cares? Why is he there? It was vaguely amusing to watch him squirm with discomfort upon initially meeting his new housemates. He’ll be out soon.
Star Quality: 1/10
Mikey Dreamy Welsh model. Mmmm. Reserved, quiet, and likes to cuddle. We’d like to imagine he’s a stud in the sack… and well hung.
Star Quality: 5/10
Grace The pampered, mildly patronising dance teacher hasn’t impressed us much . I sense a bit of a mean streak…which could potentially be fun. Already the two dancers – Grace and Nikki – are developing a bit of a competition. What will come of it?
Star Quality: 4.5/10
Dawn Slightly concerned that girlfriend wants to be reincarnated as Jesus/Hitler, but this lady has held it together and seems to be one of the most level-headed heads in the house. Self- described as ‘serious and determined’, Dawn wins extra points for tactfully slamming Shahbaz. "Verbally I could destroy you, your puns are just shit," she told him bluntly. "You're a parody of John Inman and Mrs Doubtfire. You're a rubbish comedian because you've got no sense of humour." Pure genius. Minus a point for alleged BO.
Star Quality: 9/10
Nikki I know this ‘wannabe footballer's wife ‘ may not be everyone’s cup’a tea, but I have to admit- her freak-out about Dawn’s alleged BO- has given us the giggles. Upon finding a sweatshirt that Dawn had been sitting on, Nikki questions the other girls " Why doesn't she[Dawn] just wear deodorant? It must be her fanny and her arse that smell bad then." Mmm. Let’s take a minute to thank channel 4 for this moment of TV heaven. Hoorah for tactless blonds! Someone’s gotta stir the shit.
Star Quality: 8.5/10
Stay tuned!
No comments:
Post a Comment