Online dating success!

Is online love for real? Yes! GAY.COM met with couples to talk about their online dating success.

Believe or not, people succeed finding love through the internet.

With more people meeting online than ever before, we thought it was about time we hear from those who actually found something special, in addition to a shag.

First we talked to Sami, 24, a publishing assistant, and James, 39, music producer. On the eve of their two year anniversary, we had a chance to talk to them about their initial meet.

How did you meet?

Sami: On GAY.COM. I was hesitant to meet James, but he was really responsive to my self –deprecating attitude (which is rare) and I had to respect that. After much deliberation, and him confessing to me that he was getting an MA in musical theatre (I then knew he was harmless) I agreed to have him over for a spliff and Moulin Rouge…I had to sneak him into my student halls.

James: It was a relaxed Sunday evening and I guess I wanted an adventure, I was chatting to Sami online and the offer of smoking cigarettes and watching a musical sounded perfect. Oh and he looked cute in his profile picture!!

Why do you think people have qualms about meeting people online?

James: I guess because it is unconventional but in time it will become more accepted. Lots of people I know met friends online but are at first ashamed to admit it. I think it could be something to do with attitudes towards sex and the attachment to traditional values of courtship.

Sami: Because it’s a gamble, isn’t it? The concept of meeting someone online, especially to have sex, is unfairly stigmatised; it doesn’t always end as a one-night-stand. It seems that people only hear horror stories about meeting randoms online—sometimes it turns out ok.

Do you think your relationship would be different if you met each other in person instead of online? Explain.

Sami: I don’t know if our relationship would be all that different now, but how it initially progressed would have been different. And as sad as this is, if I met James in a more traditional way, I don’t know if I would have had the nerve to tell him that I was attracted to him.

James: No, not in any way. I think if people share common interests and 'click' with each other they will continue to feel a connection. Where they meet is inconsequential.

Were you nervous about meeting each other? If not, how did you feel?

James: I think excited is a better word than nervous.

Sami: Very nervous. I felt fat and felt like my hair was too long..

What kind of reactions do you get when you tell people you met online? Do you ever feel embarrassed about it?

James: Not any more. There is still some taboo but I think peoples attitudes are changing. I think people judge relationships on how they are in the present moment rather than where the two people met.

Possible civil partnership plans?

Sami: Yes! We are getting a civil partnership next month!

Are you doing anything special for Valentines Day?

Sami: Dinner, DVD, and sex.

What advice do you have for people who seek a partner online?

Sami: Avoid saying annoying things like “Age/sex/location?”, “Are you horny?”, “How big are you?” – it’s rude and lame. Just be yourself. You can have a sense of humour when you go online—it seems like people forget that they have one.

James: You need to have a sense of adventure but be under no illusion that the rules of the courtship or relationship are in anyway different than if you had met at a Valentine's dance or in wartime Berlin, there is a rhythm and timing to the growth of the relationship and that depends on both of your commitment and respect for each other.Online dating may be part of our 'want it now' culture sidelining the traditional values of making greater effort towards finding a partner.

James: But what makes us attractive in our online profile can soon fade away if we cannot reveal the qualities necessary to form a loving bond with another human being. However gorgeous the person you are chatting to and perhaps decide to meet, if he is selfish, greedy, and egotistical you won't want to hang out with him. The internet is a great gateway to information and other people, once passing through the gate the effort is then required. It's a fantastic option to have and one that should be embraced by lovers of love all over the world.

Thanks James! How insightful. Our next couple are Nigel and Henry. Nigel, 34, a financial analyst, and Henry, 31, a banker met 8 months ago in a Pimlico pub, after chatting online.

So, How did you meet?

Nigel: Well, we chatted for probably 2 months online, then finally agreed to meet each other for a drink at a pub. We had similar backgrounds and similar occupations in the financial industry. Then a couple of weeks after our first meeting at the pub, he invited me to join him and some of his friends in Brighton for the weekend, so I went, and that was the first time we shagged.

Why did you decide to meet each other?

Henry: He seemed like a nice guy, down to earth, wasn't too pushy, which I liked. So I finally just thought, why not?

Nigel: I was tired of always meeting the same kind of cracked out twinks at the bars who have no direction, no reputable profession and nothing interesting about their character. When I chatted with Henry online, he made laugh - I knew that was a good sign.

Why do you think people have qualms about meeting people online?

Henry: It's an unfair stigma. I think some people look down on those who meet online.
They might assume that people who meet online are not capable of meeting in bars or clubs - it's not true.

Nigel: I don't know, I just got tired of putting up with all the shit and found it easier to try something over the internet.

Were you nervous about meeting each other? If not, how did you feel?

Nigel: Not really, only because we had been talking for about two months before we met in person so I felt like I knew him a bit better in a sense.

What kind of reactions do you get when you tell people you met online? Do you get embarrassed about it?

Nigel:I actually don't tell people we met online; I tell them we met in a pub, which isn't a complete lie because we did meet in a pub - just not for the first time.

Henry: Only embarrassed when straight people ask us. I think it's pretty much accepted in the gay community.

Possible civil partnership plans?

Nigel: Well we've only been dating for 8 months (laughs). We'll see, I guess. I do however like the idea that that option is available now to us. Let’s not spoil it by putting too many expectations on the long term.

Henry: Agreed. For now we're just having fun and enjoying each other's company

Doing anything special for Valentines Day?

Henry: Dinner at the Ritz, and Nigel has never seen Mamma Mia, so I got tickets for that.

What advice do you have for people who seek a partner online?

Henry: Take it slow, converse with the person on a fairly regular basis for a while before you meet up - that way you know the person better.

Nigel: if you go in with the expectation of just having sex, you'll probably be limiting yourself to just that.

Goodness! Don't waste any more time, find your online lover now!

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